The person that this was primarily about contacted me within a few moments of me posting it. She knew her ego-inflated post with no credit towards me and my work that I been handing her on a plate was a terrible thing to do. I needed some time to breath but knew I would be seeing her in a few moments and I always appreciate the face to face talks abit more. She knew this was about her because this has been the battle for almost 10 years. Yes, almost 10 years. Some people do not like to accept the fact that they do not know everything. Some want to take credit for the things others do - all the time. Posers. Liars. Cheats. Call them what you want.
I'm a dumbass and I consistently give people who take advantage of me opportunities to fuck me over again, and again, and again. This is my fault, I am to blame for allowing people to use and abuse me and take credit for things I gave them. I admit it and own it. I have not called people out by name for this but I do talk to them directly every single time and give them an chance (or ten chances) to "make it up to me" as this gal said she'd do repeatedly. I gave her time and she did nothing, as usual. She accepted responsibility to my face and said sorry but no one else will hear of the game she has been playing all these years from her. Now I am braced from some verbal backlash from her. She has spent alot of time in the past trash talking me and others for whom she has done wrong. I guess it's easier than accepting responsibility, learning, and growing from it. And since she won't do that, I will.
The good news is that I am throwing in the towel on her, not on the art form I love. And I woke up feeling pretty good. Mainly because one of the main sources of humilation and drama is now gone from my life. I know how much I tried to work with her through her integrity issues. Another reason is because I will not keep making this mistake any further. While I do feel some people can change over time, the proof will need to be there before I accept them back into my trust and good graces. Little infractions are not an issue, no one is perfect. For me it has always been about how the issue was resolved, far more than just the issues itself. But this rudeness is not an acceptable ways of being someone's "friend." And I asked her what she would tell me to do if I told her someone else did this to me. Her answer was to not perform with them, but still be friends. Well how can you be friends with someone who is so dishonest about you? Made no sense to me. It's not just about dance.
Anyways, the towel is over there, somewhere. And I am feeling refreshed with no concerns for my consistent attempts to be nice to the mean, to give chances to the unwilling to change, and to try to work with people through their problems even when it hurts me emotionally, mentally, and professionally. I slept well last night. I feel well today. I am going to focus my attention on my health and upcoming radiation treatments instead of someone else's drama and need for acceptance through negative modes. So this week I threw in the towel on politics and on a toxic relationship. Lesson learned and for that I am grateful.
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