Thoughts about Life and Remembrance

Impermanence is a reality of life.  When I first started to study Buddhism, this was the first lesson I was taught.  Everything changes.  Within this first lesson I read a chapter about facing our own mortality.  We are born to die.  It is what is in the middle, what happens while we are on this Earth that lives on, particularly with others.

As people in our lives are confronted with their own mortality, it is important to feel some empathy.  Someday we will face the similar reality.   So this past year, as I faced my own serious health issues, it surprised me to find some people who called themselves friends completely abandon any sense of empathy or compassion.  Instead some have left completely and others have rocked the boat of ethics and truth that I had to abandon them.  Either way, life in its current state is much more happy and positive once the posers in the circle took their leave of me.  And I say posers because in each instance, I have spoken directly to the person and listened to their opinions.  I found the very few who jumped off were never actually friends. So it was a good good thing for all of it. Why pretend?  Why be around those who pretend?

This quote holds true and is a very wonderful thing.

Which brings me to my next thought - how we live each day and how we interact with others is the mark we will leave behind when we leave this world.  It will be how we are remembered. There have been quite a few significant times in my life where I took stock of who I was during that time and determined what, if anything, needed to change.  I find those moments of looking at yourself from the outside very important. It has helped me shape my attitudes, my opinions, my speech, and how I interacted with others, as well as myself.  Taking time to analyze your inner being can seem scary but it is beautiful.  Last year before surgery I analyzed how I my life had been and if I was satisfied, in case I did not survive.  It was uplifting, raw, and honest.  And it allowed me to feel a great sense of acceptance as I walked into the hospital.

Afterwards, I have analyzed the questions, "how do I want to live now, and how do I want to be remembered?"  My goals have been living a more positive life where I am not bogged down by the details of work, life, school, teaching, directing, promoting, etc.  I want to have more time with friends enjoying coffee outside in the breeze, movies in the theater, and conversations that are meaningful.  I want to keep positive energy around me so I don't get caught up in the negativity that life can amplify.  I want to spend time in daily meditation so I can keep my focus.  I want to work on my health and continue to heal all that has plagued in me in one way or another.  I want to be remembered for my work ethic, my honesty, my attention to detail, my sense of humor and whimsy, and for my contributions to the art form I love and have worked so hard on developing over the last 20 years.  I want to be remembered for conquering and living with serious medical issue with humor, optimism, courage, and hope.

These may not seem like important questions, but I am interested in hearing the answers from anyone who would like to share them:  How do you want to live?  How do you want to be remembered?